Who Was I To Make You Wait?
by PiOneOneZero
Summary: Eighteen months on from Voyager's triumphant return to the Alpha Quadrant, is there one last chance for the command team or does fate have other ideas? Written for VAMB Secret Santa 2015 and I've finally finished messing with it. I guess it's never going to be the epic I had in my head but maybe it's not so terrible. For KJaneway115
1. Chapter 1

A/N Inspired by Nickleback song Far Away.

The 'book' quote in Part 1 is actually from Peter Jackson's adaptation of Return of the King and does not appear in the Lord of the Rings books. But artistic licence etc. :-P

June 2380

Kathryn enjoyed the damp, grainy feeling of walking barefoot over the shoreline sand. No matter how many times she'd walked on beaches on holodecks, or on other far-flung planets the breadth of the galaxy, no sand had ever felt quite so real as here on Earth.

Grounded; that was how she felt. She'd found a peace in this place that had eluded her since Voyager's return to the Alpha Quadrant some eighteen months before.

She closed her eyes and allowed herself just to be; to feel the gentle breeze; to listen to the sound of waves lapping the shore and seabirds screaming overhead. Bliss.

Who would have thought that the short time she had to spent here on this "vacation" or whatever it was, would have been what her restless soul had been crying out for all these long months. Maybe B'Elanna had been right – a change of scene was all she'd needed to chase away the rut she'd worked herself into.

It had been hard. No, it had been so much more than just hard. How could she have known that after all those years of working towards one thing, when it finally came it would be so sudden and so sharp that it would feel like an emergency stop from Warp 9.975? That dragging, gut-wrenched feeling behind her navel as if the world had suddenly stopped spinning; as if she'd run straight into a brick wall, had never quite left her since that day.

How could she have known when she didn't have the stress and the responsibility of 150 lives on her shoulders day in and day out that she'd have time to think? That when she wasn't exhausted from the constant caffeine and adrenalin fuelled whirlwind of it all sleep would become a curse. The long rest she'd promised herself when this was all over had become a prison of dark images, of reliving all the near misses and danger and fear of the Voyager years. Her every night followed nightmare after nightmare, Borg drones, Kazon, Devore, Species 8472, staring eyes, pain, cracking, breaking - until she begged for the sweet release of death and then woke up in a cold sweat before falling into the pattern again.

Finding a way home had become her life's calling and now that it was done she didn't know how to stop, how to be still. She allowed herself a wry smile as she thought back on some wisdom from a book about an epic quest that had seemed the sort of thing to read in those early homecoming days,

'How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand… there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep, that have taken hold. Do you ever really heal?'

No - well, not so far in any case. Especially not when she'd imagined life after their return would be… different. She forced away the face that rose in her mind, as she had trained herself to do so diligently, and sighed. A few moments of respite had been wonderful, but they were just the first step on a very long road to peace of mind.

Focusing on the feel of the wind, she continued onward.

* * *

The sheets were deliciously soft against Chakotay's bare skin. It had been another long, tough day at Voyager's helm and it was a relief to fall into bed beside a beautiful woman and really unwind. The lights were dimmed to the point where he couldn't see her, but he could picture the pale porcelain skin, curves he couldn't wait to run his hands over, and auburn curls spreading out over the pillow.

The first kiss was heaven - soft and yet with a firmness that returned the passion he felt. He moved himself over her, feeling the shape of her body below his as they pressed together. Through his moan escaped the breathy word,

"Kathryn..."

The woman below him tensed abruptly.

"Computer, lights". The next thing he knew was the feeling of sheets being pulled off the bed, and he looked up, confused, to see her wrapping them self-consciously around herself as she made a beeline for the bathroom. It was then that he realised his mistake. Shit...

"Seven..." he called after her as she bundled up the pile of her clothing from the foot of the bed and took it with her. She didn't reply, and he pulled himself from the bed also, moving to the bathroom door to try and get in front of her, "Seven!"

At this point she paused and turned towards him, with a cold expression on her face.

"Captain..." Ouch – her choice of his rank rather than his name stung, "... I may still be inexperienced in human interaction, but I am aware that when your partner says another woman's name during sexual relations, that is not a good sign for the future of the relationship".

Double shit.

"Seven I..."

"I am not sure there is anything that can be said to rectify this situation, Sir. You have merely confirmed what I have long suspected - that you are in love with Admiral Janeway. The sooner you admit it to yourself, and her, the sooner the two of you can be happy together. Thus, I am terminating our relationship".

Chakotay sighed. What could he say? He knew Seven was right. No matter how much he tried to forget Kathryn, told himself she wasn't interested, attempted to move on... it wasn't working. A wave of shame passed over him when he realised how he'd been using Seven - that he had never really felt strongly for her and began to wonder why he'd dragged things out for so long.

Whilst he'd been mulling this over, standing naked at the door of the bathroom, Seven had - in her usual calm and efficient manner - got dressed. She looked him up and down as she exited the bathroom and made for the door of his quarters.

"Don't look so distraught captain - you were as much of an experiment for me as I clearly have been for you. No broken hearts here. Now I suggest you put on some clothes and make that long overdue call to Indiana".

And with that, she left.

* * *

Chakotay stared into the empty screen, and his reflection stared right back at him. He got up from the chair, moved over to the replicator and ordered a glass of water, then paced to the window and looked out at the stars whilst he sipped the drink. He asked the computer the current time in Indiana - eleven in the morning. He moved back to the screen and re-seated himself, adjusting his position several times until he was comfortable. He looked into the monitor again before telling himself that there could be no more excuses, no distractions. All he had to do was call Kathryn, and how hard could that possibly be?

He finally gave the command and waited whilst the call was connected - searing the Starfleet logo onto his vision. He almost slammed down the lid of the portable screen in a panic when the call was connected and the face of the woman he loved more than any other in the world appeared on the screen. His stomach dropped to the deck plating – was this a huge mistake?

"Chakotay!" She seemed surprised - he hoped the tone was pleased but it was hard to say. The one thing he was absolutely sure of was that she looked tired. Really, truly tired - not the tired of one late night or a tough mission, but the tired of long months of inability to sleep; the tired of a disturbed mind. He instantly felt his old warrior's protectiveness towards her rising up in his chest.

"Kathryn, are you all right?" She didn't answer for a few moments, but he could see the realisation dawning on her face - she couldn't hide her state of mind from him.

"There's no point me lying to you is there? I'm not doing great Chakotay. But don't worry about me, I'm seeing people, I'm working through it. The nightmares are getting less".

He didn't really know what to say in response to her. Here he was swanning off to the other side of the Quadrant with a girl young enough to be his daughter in tow and Kathryn was really suffering. What kind of man was he? He'd been living in some kind of bizarre illusion for the past year and a half, trying to tell himself everyone was happy and getting on with their lives, but it was all a complete facade. How could he be so blind?

"Kathryn I... I'm sorry". The carefully rehearsed speech he'd run over ten times in his head completely left him - chased away by the horror of the emptiness behind her eyes. She'd drawn the response straight from the core of his being.

"Chakotay, what are you talking about? Is this why you called - to apologise?" She seemed confused, but his muddled brain ploughed on.

"No I called to... I'm not sure anymore. I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you Kathryn".

"Chakotay, you were reassigned, it wasn't like you abandoned me". The word abandoned was heavy and betrayed the unspoken words behind the wall she was maintaining – that he had abandoned her was clearly exactly what she thought.

"But I haven't called... I haven't even checked to see how you were". Something changed in her demeanor, the wall seemed to shift but not disappear - in fact if anything it grew stronger, more impenetrable.

"How's Seven?" she deflected. But her ploy hadn't worked. He could feel the pain in her tone as she asked after her former protégé.

"She's... well" he paused for only a moment before taking the plunge. They'd put this off for far too long, "Kathryn, Seven and I... we aren't together any more".

The surprise in her eyes was almost its own corporeal being it was so strong,

"I'm sorry to hear that". He bit back almost immediately on her response,

"No you aren't".

"Chakotay I ... why would you say that? Do you think I want you to be in pain?"

"No. But then I'm not in pain. I should never have been with Seven in the first place. Kathryn, let's just cut to the chase here... I... I love you. And I want us to be together. I know it's what you want too".

He allowed her a few moments to process his words, but she took longer than even he expected. Her head dipped as she mulled his declaration over, and when she raised it again there were tears in her eyes.

"How can you be so god-damned sure?" His stomach twisted at the harshness of her reply. Why was he so sure? Because everything about her body language and her reactions gave him that message. So why was she suggesting something different?

"Kathryn I thought... I knew... there's always been something between us". His surety ebbed away with each word, eyes resting on the tight hard line of her jaw that clenched as he spoke.

"Why now Chakotay? Why... after all this time? I've been working so hard to get past this and now you just call me up and expect me to come running!?" Oh gods. He'd really messed this up. There had been something there, just like he'd known all along. But he'd left it too long and now… now she wasn't sure what she wanted any more.

"Kathryn... just... I don't know. I'm sorry. I've been an idiot – a blind, stupid idiot and I'm not sure what more I can do than apologise. I'd like to give us a chance, if you're willing. Just... think it over, okay?" The tears were falling stronger from her eyes now.

"I will... I will. But I can't promise you anything. I just... don't know any more. Goodbye Chakotay".

And with that she disconnected the call, leaving him with a sense of shock and disbelief. Now what? Just wait for her to make up her mind?

He couldn't do that. He made a decision in that split second and, mind full of action he made his way to the bridge.


	2. Chapter 2

Kathryn looked over the top of the now closed communication monitor and out of the window where the view rolled down over the shrub strewn dunes to the lake. She stayed like that, staring out towards the horizon, for a long while, trying to get her mind to process what had just happened.

She almost got to the stage of pinching herself to check if she was awake or if the last twenty minutes of conversation had been some kind of bizarre dream.

Had Chakotay actually just called her and told her that he wanted to be with her? That he wanted them to start the relationship that had been hanging in the air between them for so many years; so much so that them wanting each other but never taking that step had become a feature of their lives - in a way that it made it almost impossible to imagine a world where it was a reality rather than an ever present elephant in the room.

Had that really happened - and had, upon being offered on a plate the thing that she probably desired more than anything else in the entirety of her life, told him that she wasn't sure? Not just that, but in fact implied that she was past the idea of them, and that she wasn't interested in a relationship with him?

What must he be thinking now? As if there was any possible way that she could have gotten over him, or stopped loving him, or imagining running her hands over his taut chest, or of them building a future together.

She couldn't process any of it. The part of her that was driven entirely by her emotions rather than her head - the part which had been almost completely buried during their time in the Delta Quadrant - was about to push her towards immediately getting Chakotay back on the screen, to tell him she couldn't imagine what she'd been thinking and of course she wanted to be with him. Was about to, when B'Elanna entered the room and broke her out of her muddled thoughts.

"Kathryn, are you all right? You look like you've seen a ghost". Kathryn laughed slightly at B'Elanna's words - it was a hollow and cheerless laugh.

"I think I may have actually..."

"Were you on subspace? Who was it?"

"It was Chakotay".

"Is he okay?"

"Yes, yes he's fine. He just... B'Elanna he called to tell me that he and Seven aren't together anymore and he wants... he wants to give *us* a go". Kathryn waited for the response, but it was longer in coming than she expected to the point that she was prompted to turn around.

She found B'Elanna looking similarly shocked to herself, but in a somewhat more puzzled fashion. She seemed to be struggling to put her thoughts into words, and it was a few moments before she spoke.

"Well... that's fantastic. I mean we always thought, the crew that is, that the two of you were... well that you were more than friends to each other. Not that you could act on it of course, out there, but we always thought, when we got home... but then Seven and Chakotay and well... I mean you've been finding it really difficult and I did wonder if... maybe..."

"You wondered if I'd thought the same. And that now he was on the other side of the Quadrant with Seven playing happy families, you wondered how I was coping with that? Well... you're right. I wasn't coping with that at all". B'Elanna nodded, knowingly but without any hint of smugness, reminding Kathryn of how far she'd come from the angry young rebel she'd been nearly a decade ago.

"So now you... I mean the two of you are... Is he coming home? Have you arranged to meet him?"

Kathryn turned away from B'Elanna back towards the window, hand going up to her mouth in a very familiar mannerism. There was another long pause before she replied.

"I told him I'd think about it. Why the hell did I tell him that!? I don't want to think about it, I've thought about nothing else for the last nine goddamned years".

B'Elanna walked over to Kathryn now, tentatively beckoning the older woman into a hug as if unsure whether she'd accept; she did, resting her head gently onto the klingon's shoulder.

"You were just blindsided by it is all. You've put up a lot of barriers since we made it back to Earth and you aren't going to just be able to break through them in an instant. Now, what we should do is get glammed up and go out to dinner just like we planned - we'll have a nice relaxing evening and then in the morning you can call him back and tell him you've thought it over and you want to give it a shot. Sound like an idea?"

Kathryn nodded, smiling. She had been looking forward to this meal, and what was another day to wait after waiting the best part of nine years? She kissed B'Elanna on the cheek and made for the bathroom to start getting ready as the other woman left the make her own dinner preparations.

* * *

Chakotay walked determinedly towards the bridge - striding along the corridors and waiting impatiently in the turbolift, foot tapping. When he finally entered deck one, every head in the bridge turned to look at him due to the sudden and purposeful manner of his arrival.

"Mr Kim, send a message to Starfleet Headquarters to tell them I've decided to terminate our mission with immediate effect. They should expect us at Earth in approximately twenty seven hours and at that point I will be tendering my resignation. Helm, lay in the course, warp six".

He stared into the viewscreen, feeling the eyes around the room nervously glancing at each other, wondering what this was all about. But all credit to them, they didn't argue with their captain and they were soon bowling along towards home.

* * *

Chakotay sat in the captain's chair staring at the vista of dark, star-streaked space. It still felt strange sitting here even after all these months - and perhaps, if he'd continued as captain of Voyager, it would always have been odd that he was here instead of Kathryn and not a couple of metres to her left the way it had always been - the way it should still be.

He couldn't shake the image of her face from his mind, the only thing he had been able to think of these past hours since realising how much of an idiot he'd been. He glanced at the chronometer on the screen next to him and sighed. It would still take another 16 hours for them to reach earth. Sixteen long painful hours in which he would have to figure out how exactly he planned to persuade the love of his life to give him one last chance.

He'd been so stupid to think that she would take him back just like that and somehow he had to prove to her that things could be different. That after everything that had happened in the last nine years, there was still a future for them. That there had to be.

He was broken from his reverie by a violent shudder that hit the ship from the starboard side - so violent that he was thrown from his seat. After taking a few moments to shake some sense back into himself, he struggled to his feet instinctively glancing over towards Ops.

"Red Alert! Mr Kim report".

"We've taken a heavy hit captain - shields are down to 45%. The thing is, I have no idea what hit us sir, there's nothing coming up on scans".

"Was it definitely another ship or some other sort of anomaly?"

"Based on the damage and the energy signature of the discharge I'd say it's unquestionably some type of weapon".

"A cloaked ship then? But surely it would have to uncloak long enough to fire?"

"That's what we'd normally expect yes, but on the evidence I'm not sure what else I can conclude. I apologise for not being able to give you more captain."

"Continue scanning and let me know the moment you..."

A second shot hit them with as little warning as the first. Sparks erupted from various consoles as Chakotay was once again thrown to the ground, this time from his feet. He felt his head impact against something hard before blackness enveloped him.


	3. Chapter 3

"Shall I make you some coffee?"

"That's very kind of you B'Elanna I'd love some".

Kathryn was seated at the console by the window again, looking out over the lake. It was a bright day with soft white clouds scudding across a blue sky. An oddly fitting backdrop for what could possibly be the most important conversation she'd ever had.

"Computer, call Captain Chakotay on the starship Voyager".

The familiar logo faded in and out a few times before the audible message returned,

"Unable to connect transmission at this time".

Kathryn frowned, almost as if doing so would correct whatever the problem was.

"Computer, why are you unable to make a connection?"

"Starship Voyager currently uncontactable due to technical failure".

She stood up from the desk and moved over towards the kitchen of the small cabin, but only made it about half way across the room before B'Elanna returned with the coffee. She stopped abruptly when she saw Kathryn.

"Are you all right? You look as white as a sheet!"

"I... I couldn't get through. Some sort of technical issue with Voyager. B'Elanna something bad's happened I can just feel it..."

B'Elanna put down the coffee pot and crossed the remainder of the space to Kathryn's side, sliding a gentle arm around her shoulders.

"I'm sure it's nothing - maybe they hit an ion storm or some other kind of interference".

"No really, I have this feeling. I don't know what it is but I just know something's happened to him".

B'Elanna guided Kathryn to a seat and pushed a coffee mug into her hand.

"All right, well have some coffee to settle yourself and we'll contact Owen - see if he's heard anything".

Reluctantly Kathryn nodded and forced herself to sip the drink.

* * *

Chakotay awoke with a disruptor pointing at his face. It took him several moments to recall exactly what had happened, then shortly after that he met the gaze of the individual who was holding the weapon. The cold, hard eyes of a Romulan met his own.

Chakotay had very little personal experience of Romulans, so what he did know of them was entirely by reputation. And what a reputation. He glanced at his surroundings - still the familiar surroundings of Voyager's bridge. So this must be some sort of boarding party. What exactly they could want was beyond Chakotay at this precise moment - it was of little consequence anyway as his primary concern was protecting his crew regardless of these invader's intentions.

Beyond his immediate field of vision was still a fuzzy haze, reminding him of his bang to the head. Raising a hand to his temple, his fingers met the wet sticky feeling of blood accompanied by a throbbing pain in the side of his head. Years of experience told him it wasn't going to be long before this would need urgent medical attention.

In the peripheral blur of his vision he could make out the shapes of perhaps four other assailants, each of them standing over the dark prone shapes of his crew. He lifted his head slightly to try and get a better view - at that point another shape he hadn't made out before came striding towards him.

"Ah Captain, nice to see you've rejoined us". The voice was mocking and supremely confident. That was a good sign in many ways - someone that confident was convinced that he'd already won and Chakotay hoped that meant he'd let his guard down at least a little. Chakotay decided to play along with the game.

"Well I would have attended the meeting sooner if your... 'greeting' hadn't somewhat put me out of action. It also would've been nice to have received an invitation - or more accurately, given I appear to be hosting, nice if I'd sent _you_ an invitation". The Romulan laughed.

"Oh Captain, you must know that's not how we operate. We... have no need of your outdated and unnecessary Federation pleasantries. Surely even you get bored of such dull custom".

"What I do grow tired of - and very quickly I might add - is your manner. Now get to what exactly it is that you want and we can put an end to this little charade".

"Oh well Captain Chakotay of the Federation Starship Voyager, you do think a lot of yourself don't you? Tell me... who exactly is it that's staring into the end of a disruptor right now? I will be the one to, excuse the pun, call the shots".

"Listen, just tell me what you came for and we can end this without Starfleet blowing you out of the sky".

The Romulan commander strode across the deck in a few short seconds and leaned down, face centimetres from Chakotay's. He could feel the heat of the alien's breath in short angry puffs against his cheek.

"You either want to die or you're profoundly stupid". With the words came a sharp, electric flash of pain as the back of the Romulan's hand connected with the side of his face.

"I grow tired of this insolence", he continued, "Your precious Starfleet don't even know where you are in any case – we jammed your little 'transmission'. What I'd really like to do is lock you up in your own brig for the next twelve hours and see how chatty you're feeling then. But as it is, I have a schedule to work to. We're here for the medical supplies".

"The medical supplies we already dropped off at Eralus IV you mean?"

"I don't believe you. My men are heading to your cargo bay as we speak and then you'll be proved a liar. So much for your noble Federation principles". He strutted back across the bridge, peering down at one or two of the other bridge crew, none of whom - to Chakotay's concern - appeared to be moving. A moment or two later, a voice came over the comm system.

"Commander, the goods don't appear to be here". Chakotay laughed slightly to himself as he heard the words, quickly realising it to be a mistake as the Commander glared at him and clenched his fists.

"Well continue to search the ship. They must be somewhere - our contact is infallible". He stomped back over to Chakotay.

"This will be quicker and less painful for all of us if you just tell me where the god damned cargo is. Unless you particularly wish to come back to my ship and enjoy some renowned Romulan hospitality."

"Why do you need the supplies?" Chakotay decided a change of tack may tip things in the crew's favour. There must be someone on board not in the custody of the Romulans, and who was working to regain control of the ship. Perhaps all he needed to do was stall for time.

"That's none of your concern". Chakotay caught a flash of something then, a chink in the armour, a hint of vulnerability.

"If you have sick people who need help, you know you can just ask the Federation for assistance?" The look that appeared on the Romulan's face was one of abject disgust.

"The Romulan Empire does not 'ask for assistance' as you put it. We take what we need. Besides, you're completely off the mark - we simply know you have rare medicine that will fetch a high price on the black market. Stupid really, Starfleet sending a small inadequately crewed vessel on such an important mission. I'm amazed you made it out here at all."

Chakotay could barely contain his laughter at the Commander's words, "You couldn't conceive of what this vessel and her crew are capable of. And that will be your undoing".


	4. Chapter 4

Kathryn seated herself once more at the comms console - this time with B'Elanna at the side of her. It didn't take long for Owen to answer the call, and his immediate demeanour did nothing to reassure her.

"I wondered whether you'd call Kathryn - anyone else and I'd have assumed they'd be enjoying their vacation rather than keeping constant tabs on work, but not you. I take it you've heard then?" As she asked her next question, she could feel the fear building in her gut,

"Heard what Owen? I called because I tried to contact Chakotay and I couldn't get through - is there something going on with Voyager?"

"Ah, well then you aren't such a terrible workaholic I guess. Yes, I'm afraid Voyager has run into some problems - we're still trying to establish exactly what the situation is but we have reason to believe the Romulans are involved".

"The Romulans!?" Kathryn tried to choke back the gasp in her voice to little avail, "but... I don't understand. Their mission was nowhere near Romulan territory..."

"As I said, we're still trying to establish exactly what's going on, but we've confirmed that that Voyager is a long way from where we thought she was - from the information we've been able to gain it seems they were heading back to Earth". B'Elanna looked pointedly at Kathryn, and she felt herself dropping her eyes - unwilling to contemplate the implications of what Owen was saying.

"So what do we know about their status?" Kathryn continued, deflecting. Owen turned slightly away from the screen at this point, and the knot in Kathryn's stomach tightened. Owen's jaw clenched as he spoke,

"It's not good news I'm afraid. Ships in the area have detected some pretty heavy explosions - we're still holding out hope but we haven't been able to get a vessel in closer due to the Romulan ships, and all attempts to make contact have failed. We're doing everything we can - the Enterprise has just been sent to intercept - but she's a day away. I think you should prepare yourself for the worst Kathryn. I'm sorry".

Kathryn stepped up from the console, hand to her mouth and made for the door of the cabin. B'Elanna watched her leave then turned back to the screen.

"B'Elanna do you think you should go after her?" The Klingon shook her head,

"I think what she needs right now is to be alone. Keep us updated Owen, when you know anything".

"I will". B'Elanna closed the lid of the console and stared out of the window for a long time.

* * *

After a thorough search of the ship, the Romulans still failed to find the cargo.

"Well, well Captain. You either have a concealed deck on your ship or you were telling the truth after all. So let's give you the benefit of the doubt and assume it's the latter". Chakotay looked cynically up at the Commander. Surely he didn't intend to just let them go...

"The problem is, my crew and I still need to be compensated - for our trouble you understand". The tone of danger in his voice was less than subtle. Chakotay would have preferred to remain silent at this point, but the expression on the Romulan's face was one of expectation.

"What exactly do you have in mind?" He swallowed the lump that formed unbidden in his throat.

"Well, of course we can ask the Federation to assist us. But as I said before that's not how we operate. So I'm sure you, your crew and your ship will fetch a good ransom. Crewmen - restrain them".

The narrow eyed man standing over Chakotay made to grab his arm, but Chakotay ducked - rolling to the side and causing the lieutenant to lose his balance. He grunted, grabbing for the disruptor he'd stowed at his belt. Chakotay moved again - buoyed by the sight of Harry Kim tripping his assailant and bringing down his grasped fists between the man's shoulder blades. The Lieutenant in front of Chakotay fired his disruptor but missed, and Chakotay darted in closer, connecting a swift kick with the man's kneecap and causing him to stumble to the ground.

At that point, Chakotay felt arms wrap around his chest - it was the Commander. The man was not as strong as Chakotay, however, and the stronger man pushed his shoulders back, forcing the Romulan's arms to loosen their grip, and he took the opportunity to elbow the man in the gut, hard.

Winded, he stumbled backward freeing Chakotay, but the human hadn't noticed the Lieutenant before him recovering somewhat, and reaching out for his dropped disruptor, aimed it at Chakotay. Wrong footed, he tried to push himself out of the way but twisted awkwardly, feeling something snap in his leg.

Time seemed to slow down - the pain was intense, but all Chakotay could think was that he hoped he'd black out before the inevitable disruptor blast burnt a hole right through his chest. His already injured temple impacted hard with the deck as he collapsed like a tower of cards - and the last thing he saw through the shower of sparks that blazed across his vision was Seven of Nine, throwing herself between him and the Romulan Lieutenant.


	5. Chapter 5

Kathryn stood at the edge of the cliff, eyes closed. The wind was still strong, blowing in from the lake as she leant into it. She could feel her toes curling slightly over the edge of the rock in her soft pumps, and she could just imagine that if the wind were suddenly to stop gusting, she would fall gracefully to the beach below like some shining angel.

She couldn't go on any more. She'd fought so long and so hard to get her crew home - she'd done that. But she'd come to realise that there was nothing here for her - not any more. She'd dragged herself through the last eighteen months , but now that Chakotay was gone... she had to finally admit to herself that it was over.

Feeling the pressure of the wind she began to lean into it more. Gradually, slowly, more and more into the strong breeze - a sense of calm and serenity settled over her as she edged closer to the point of no return.

Just as she felt the shift between the wind's ability to hold her up and the pull of her own centre of gravity, she felt strong arms around her chest, pulling her back from the edge. The fierceness of the momentum caused her and her rescuer to tumble backwards, Kathryn landing on top of a body that was significantly smaller than her hopeful mind had expected. Rolling over into a sitting position, she realised it was B'Elanna - of course it was B'Elanna - what a stupid, foolish hope that it could have been anyone else. That it could have been him...

"Kathryn what the hell were you doing!?"

"What did it look like I was doing? I can't do it anymore B'Elanna. I just can't. I never believed in fate you know, but somehow, something just doesn't want the two of us to be together. And I can't go on without him". She looked up, expecting some kind of expression of sympathy from the Klingon, but all she received was a sharp slap to the face.

"First of all, you absolutely could go on without him - assuming that was necessary. And secondly, it isn't".

It took long seconds for the words to sink in, and for Kathryn's distraught feelings turn to joy.

"You mean he isn't...?"

"They managed to regain control of the ship and they're on their way back to Earth right now", B'Elanna glanced at the chronometer on her wrist, "in fact, they may even be docking as we speak - I've been looking for you for hours".

Kathryn was already running for the path to the beach and back towards the lake, B'Elanna's words fading in her ears.

* * *

Chakotay awoke to the harsh lights of Sickbay, and pushed himself instinctively to a sitting position. He regretted it instantly, as a wave of dizziness and nausea swept over him.

"Captain, don't sit up too fast you have a severe concussion!" Chakotay didn't think the voice of Voyager's EMH - or to be more correct Chief Medical Officer - had ever been more welcome.

"Doctor, report". For once Chakotay could forgive the Doctor his smug expression as he replied.

"The crew, led by myself and Seven of Nine, resisted our Romulan would-be-oppressors and saved Voyager".

"Seven..." Chakotay felt his voice break as he spoke her name, for surely she must be dead.

"Is recovering nicely - I have to say even I am amazed at the work her nano-probes have done to repair the damage to her thigh, but she'll be right as rain in no time". Chakotay sank back into the biobed with relief. He couldn't have imagined such a positive outcome only a short time ago... in fact exactly how long had it been on that note?

"Doctor how long have I been unconscious?"

"Nearly twenty hours. The engineering staff made sufficient repairs to Voyager to give us warp power and we arrived at Earth under the escort of the Enterprise approximately fifteen minutes ago".

"Earth! Kathryn..." Chakotay was off the biobed before the Doctor could even attempt to stop him, ignoring his queasiness and the shaking in his newly healed leg as he made for the transporter room.

* * *

Kathryn had barely made the shoreline when she saw him coming around the lake towards her. He was favouring his left leg slightly, and she could make out a dressing on his forehead, but he was still the most beautiful sight she had ever seen.

She began to run, feeling the barrette at the back of her head loosen and fall as the wind lifted her hair out behind her. She was barefoot, having cast off her pumps at the base of the cliff, so stones, shells and bits of driftwood grazed her feet as she ran but she didn't care. Every extra second she had to wait for him to hold her was a second too long.

He'd stopped where the sand broke away into trees, arms stretched out toward her so that when she reached him, all she had to do was bury her face into his chest, to once more smell the scent that was uniquely him and hear the glory of his heartbeat.

He dropped his face to the top of her head; she could feel the press of his lips and his hot tears where they fell into her hair. She pulled away then, suddenly finding the urge, the need to kiss him too strong to resist any longer.

Their eyes locked for a long moment, and she took in every bit of emotion she found returned there - so much desire, hope and fear melded into one look as he pulled her to him again and their lips met for the first time.

It was everything she had dreamt of and more, soft but not too soft, perfectly tracing a fine line between passionate and romantic. She would happily have carried on kissing him like that forever, or allowed him to lead her back to the cabin and take things further, but after a short time he broke the kiss and took her hand – gesturing back toward the beach the way she had come.

"As much as I'd like to show you exactly how I feel about you without the need for words, I think we really do need to talk".

They meandered along the shoreline, hand in hand, as the sun grew lower toward the water on the horizon.

"Kathryn I'm sorry I've been such an idiot". She looked over at him and smiled at his words

" _You're_ sorry. How do you think I feel? You called me to offer me the one thing I wanted more than anything and I told you I wasn't sure… I wouldn't be so convinced that you know who the idiot is in this situation". He smiled back at her,

"Maybe we got so used to talking ourselves out of it that we forgot why we started. That it was the very idea of us that became forbidden and not just us on Voyager".

"Perhaps you're right. But there's still time isn't there? To start over. We haven't left it too long?"

"If I'd had to wait my entire life for you Kathryn, it wouldn't have been too long for there still to be a chance". She squeezed his hand.

"So what do we do now?"

"Whatever you want to do. I've resigned my commission, so I can be wherever you are. If that's San Franscisco, great, if you want it to be somewhere else then that's great too. The one thing I do know is that I do not intend to spend another night apart from you for the rest of my days".

"Do you really mean that Chakotay. Because after everything… I couldn't pick myself up again if this didn't work out".

"I think we know each other well enough by now to be able to face anything life throws at us. I love you Kathryn, and that's more than enough for me".

"I love you too Chakotay". They stopped on a rocky outcropping at the far side of the lake from the cabin, and watched the sun set behind it, wrapped in one another as Chakotay did as he had promised and showed Kathryn exactly how he felt about her without the need for words.


	6. Chapter 6

Epilogue

December 2380

Tom leant over the table carving the turkey. B'Elanna and Chakotay had just returned from taking Miral out to kick snow all over the place - the little girl hadn't the slightest interest in making a snowman, but had giggled herself silly whilst pelting her mother and 'Uncle' with snowballs. They'd come in exhilarated with flushed faces and muddy boots that were now abandoned in a pile by the door.

The log cabin by the side of the lake had been lovingly decorated with a variety of traditional Christmas, native American and Klingon trimmings and was looking truly festive. There was a roaring fire in the hearth and the table was set ready to eat.

All they needed to now was rouse Kathryn who had been feeling rather tired since her earlier arrival from San Francisco and had gone upstairs for a lie down. Chakotay was just about to go and wake her when she came downstairs. She smiled when she saw the impressive spread.

"I was just going to come up and get you", Chakotay smiled back.

"The smell of the food woke me. Besides, I didn't feel like keeping our news from our dearest friends any longer".

"News?" Tom looked up from the turkey with the same eagerness for gossip that had become synonymous with him. B'Elanna too glanced over from where she was settling Miral in her highchair.

Chakotay looked at Kathryn with a raised eyebrow - clearly amused by her timing.

"Did you want to or shall I?" he asked.

"Oh you go ahead". He looked at her a little suspiciously, getting the sense that there was something she wasn't telling him, but he took her cue. Looking back towards to Tom and B'Elanna he said,

"I'm very pleased to announce that Kathryn has agreed to marry me".

The joy that spread over both their friend's faces had the seemingly impossible effect of making Chakotay even happier than he had already been.

"Congratulations" they said almost simultaneously, as B'Elanna moved over to hug Kathryn and Tom gave Chakotay a manly slap on the back. As soon as the news had sunk in they were full of questions, how and when had he proposed, could they see the ring, and most importantly,

"When's the wedding?"

Chakotay answered, "Well clearly she's serious because for some reason she wants us to do it as soon as possible. And who am I to deny her anything?"

Kathryn laughed indulgently, and added in a feigned nonchalant fashion, "Well yes I mean we need to get on with it whilst I can still fit into my mother's wedding dress".

It took a few moments, but as realisation dawned she happily watched the shock and then even greater happiness lighten each of their faces.

"You mean you're..." She nodded with a coy smile.

"Yes, I'm pregnant". At that point Tom and B'Elanna realised there was even more of a dumbfounded expression on Chakotay's face than there was on their own. There were tears in the big man's eyes as he moved over to his fiancé and embraced her. He whispered into her ear,

"I'm going to be a daddy?"

She drew back slightly from the hug so she could look at him,

"Yes you are. I hope you don't mind me springing it on you like this but I just couldn't wait any longer to tell everyone and you were so busy when I got here".

"I don't mind at all. Tom, get out the real champagne, this calls for a toast". Tom fetched the bottle and poured four glasses, passing one to each of them. Chakotay held out his glass as each of the others clinked theirs against it.

"A toast to my wonderful fiancé, and our soon to be family. If there's one thing that the last decade has taught me, it's that - whilst waiting can be one of the most agonising things we're forced to do in life - some things are worth waiting for."


End file.
